Surrender

Have you ever found yourself in the midst of a time of great indecision?  No one likes to be in this situation, yet at one time or another, most of us will face a time like this.  Recently, I have found myself in that place.  I decided to spend some time really focusing on what the Lord wants for my life, and not just what I desire. He has been teaching me some wonderful things about Himself, and some not-so-wonderful things about me, as is generally the case. I really debated about writing this blog, but then I started thinking about some of the situations my friends are currently facing. Some may be looking at the loss of a job, and the uncertainty of finding a new one. Others may be experiencing the sorrow of being childless, with no visible hope at the chance to love a little one. Still others may be battling severe illness that has no known cure. Then I think of my friends who are struggling with the desire to find that special someone with whom they can spend the rest of their days.  Lastly, I can’t forget my sweet, fellow widows who are faced with the painstakingly deep heartache of losing a husband.  Even more discouraging, maybe you can relate to several of these scenarios. One is bad enough all on its own.  No matter where you are in your current position in life, maybe this will encourage you as it has me.

I guess I knew this phase of life was going to come eventually, but I wasn't expecting it to be now.  My life can't stay where it is forever, it has to move forward.  But in what direction?  It's been 16 months since J passed, and I don't want to be known as the widow of J.W. Pope forever.  I feel as if my entire life has been placed on hold since he died.  Granted, this was a necessary part of my grieving and healing process, and one that I praise God for allowing me to experience.  However, I feel the Lord prompting me to take that step of faith into the next chapter of the book that is my life, but I have no idea which page is mine.  There may as well be a heap of loose pages scattered across the floor!  Have you ever felt like that?  You know there's something just around the corner, but you don't know what it is?  Or maybe there's more than one option and you just don't know which one the Lord wants you to choose?  Perhaps you can relate to both? 

The culmination of all the Lord has been teaching me this week has boiled down to this one question: "Will I surrender my future, all of it, to the loving hands of God?"  That's tough.  Of course, I'll give Him my past and trust that He can turn it into something for His glory.  Sure, He can have my present, what I'm doing today, tomorrow, and even next week.  But my future?  All of my dreams and desires . . . everything?  I had never really thought about turning this completely over to the Lord.  It's easy to say, "Yes, Lord.  I'll do whatever you want me to do."  But when rubber meets the road, do I take off running in His direction, or do I wait to see if it's really my road laid out before me?  I have a narrow-minded idea of what I want my life to look like.  What I think is best for me.  What will make me happy.  My thoughts about the future fit into a neat and tidy box that comes wrapped with a pretty red bow.  Truthfully, it doesn't matter what I want.  Only His desires should matter.  I have learned that God's plans for my life are always better than anything I could ever imagine for myself, and they usually don't fit inside that little box.  His ways are perfect, all the time.  My ways are scarred by sinful attempts at happiness.  His ways are beautiful, even when surrounded by heartache and turmoil.  My ways may look pretty on the outside, but deep within it is a tangled mess of hopeless failure.  Why would I ever choose my ways over His?  I know where my road will end, but His goes on into eternity.

A dear friend recently gave me the devotional Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman.  Every day I am amazed at the application it has to my life.  I would like to share an excerpt with all of you, in the hopes that it will be as sweet to your ears as it was to mine.

HE will silently plan for you,
His object of omniscient care;
God Himself undertakes to be
Your Pilot through each subtle snare.

He WILL silently plan for you,
So certainly, He cannot fail!
Rest on the faithfulness of God,
In Him you surely will prevail.

He will SILENTLY plan for you,
Some wonderful surprise of love.
No eye has seen, no ear has heard,
But it is kept for you above.

He will silently PLAN for you,
His purpose will all unfold;
Your tangled life will shine at last,
A masterpiece of skill untold.

He will silently plan FOR YOU,
Happy child of a Father's care,
As if no other claimed His love,
But you alone to Him were dear.

(E. Mary Grimes)

Psalm 31:14-15b, "But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hands;"  God's hands are big enough to hold my entire life, from beginning to end.  He alone knows what my future holds.  He has a perfect plan set aside just for me.  He is waiting for me to draw near to Him, listen to His heart, and trust, with absolute surrender, that He will provide all I need.  I want to be in that place, tucked safely inside His perfect will for my life.  There "He will shield me from suffering or He will give me His unwavering strength that I may bear it.  I need to be at peace, then, and set aside all anxious thoughts and worries." (Francis de Sales)  I have relinquished my control, as God has my best interests at heart.  His ways are always infinitely better than mine.  I still don't have direction as to which page will begin this next chapter, but I will trust in the Lord as I patiently wait for Him to direct my steps.  "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24