I know what you're thinking, "Isn't that supposed to say Joy in the Midst of Sorrow?" No, I mean it to say exactly what I wrote. This blog is written from the present tense, what I am experiencing in my life right now. If you know me personally, you have probably heard how the Lord has been working in my personal life. I often like to refer to my life as a story. In the story of my life, it appears that God is about to finish revealing the current volume, and move on to the next volume. He has brought me through the dark days, allowing me to reflect on all that He has accomplished in and through me. I am blessed beyond measure to see how the Lord can use such a horrendous experience to bring about such good, some of which I may never know until I step into eternity.
So, what do I mean by, "sorrow in the midst of joy?" Well, today has brought an interesting mixture of reflection and anticipation. Reflecting on all that my life was, and anticipating what my life will be. On this day eight years ago, I married the man whom I planned to spend the rest of my life. Obviously, God had a different plan for my life, a plan that I never wanted to experience. In those early days after his passing, I endured great heartache, sorrow and sadness. Times of joy were nonexistent. But as time went on, I discovered that the darkness of my grief was broken up by brief rays of joy. I didn't realize it at first, but all of a sudden I was surprised when I caught myself smiling or laughing. A person living in grief will often feel guilty about these times of joy, as if they shouldn't be joyful because it means they didn't love the deceased enough. As a survivor of the journey of grief, let me say that there is no validity in this emotion. When you are feeling joyful, BE JOYFUL!!!! It is a testimony to the Lord's faithfulness to sustain the brokenhearted.
Eventually these rays of joy became more evident in my daily life. Similar to a teeter-totter, as my sorrow decreased, my joy increased. At the current point in my journey, the darkness of grief is very brief, yet real nonetheless. This is the time when the griever can feel guilty about the sorrow, thinking that it's wrong to feel sad when the Lord has brought so many blessings and goodness back to life. So, is it wrong to feel sorrow instead of joy? My answer: NO! There will be times of sorrow and sadness in this world until the day Christ conquers the evil one, once and for all! Revelation 21:4 says, "He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." While this is a beautiful promise of what is to come, I notice that it says He WILL wipe every tear. That shows there will be sorrow until the final days on earth. It is okay to have moments of sorrow, even when everything in life is going well, because we live in a fallen world filled with pain and death. What we do with that sorrow is what matters. The only appropriate response is to turn to the Lord, for He says, "I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow." (Jeremiah 31:13) Our God is truly amazing!!
So, today I experienced moments of sorrow in the midst of my joy. The moments were very brief because I know that my Lord has brought me to a beautiful place in my life. This part of my story would never be possible without all I endured. I believe the Lord will use my experiences to equip me for His future service. I look forward to living out the rest of His plan for my life. Let the journey begin!
